Machinimation

I've been pondering writing some machinima shorts for a while and in the new year I might give it a serious go, certainly in the Summer.
For those who don't know; machinima is the latest new media to spring out from gaming. Using various games (Halo, Half-Life 2, World of Warcraft and many more) as 3D modelling and background creators then using camera angle options to create films.

While roving around on the Interwebs I found a piece which isn't actually machinima but full animation after taking World of Warcraft's models and sounds and slapping them into an animation studio.

I thought this was pretty dazzling:


The Craft of War: BLIND from percula on Vimeo.

For the non-WoW people the female who is the target of the Blood Elf rogue is actually a dragon called Onyxia in human-form, she has infiltrated the city of Stormwind in order to manipulate the young king.

The potential for these tools staggers me and though I have no chance of producing something as amazing in an animation sense, I will definitely be giving machinima a whirl at some point in the next year (impending parenthood and starting a new degree not withstanding).

On my knees

No dirty thoughts please.
A month ago we had a scan for Spina Bifida on the impending arrival. All clear.
Then they found a hole in the heart.
Yesterday we had the scan to see the extent of the defect.
It has closed.

I might sleep at some point now.

Bowm-Chikka-Woam-Wowwww

Fillion you dirty bastard.

Nailing Your Wife | Girls | SPIKE.com

Dear Admiral

To my good friend Admiral Neck, please watch the following to further give balance to your EVE Online dream.
EVE is an incredible game with superb potential and the kind of player-driven content that I espouse fervently.

It also has the excitement of a Tom Rothman presentation on modern cinema.



Thanks go to Yahtzee at escapistmagazine.com

England Shambles 3

3) David Beckham.

He truly was once one of the best footballers on the planet.

His performance against Greece was one of grit, heroism and brilliance and he pretty much single-handedly dragged us to qualification.

Unfortunately, apart from one or two games after he lost his place, Beckham is a shadow of the great man he was.

His pace was never blistering but it was enough when combined with his boundless stamina and enthusiasm. He didn't need to pass the full-back as he would curl the ball around him.

Now, Beckham rarely gets to the full-back and is instead curling the ball from the halfway line.

When the ball goes to him the speed of the move stops, Wes Brown was forward more than Beckham and in fact when England's ridiculously high line was exposed it was Beckham playing at right-back as Brown was expected to do all the leg work.

When Bentley came on it was much different, we had width, pace and still good delivery.

We do not need a player whose only strength is crossing a ball or tkaing free-kicks when others can do the same and more.

England Shambles 2

2) Frank Lampard. For Chelsea fans a name that brings forth images of goals, glory and admiration. For England fans a name that promotes quizzical head-scratching and a fervent hope that maybe this game he will do something.

Tonight he lived up to his England reputation, generally walking around looking aimless and pointing at opposition players for someone else to mark to give the impression of leadership. Loose passing, unimaginative picking the ball up from one central defender to deftly pass it 10 yards to the other central defender, shying away from the tricky pass forward in preference to the more accomplished-looking 20 yard square ball that doesn't help much, all quintessential elements to a disappointing Lampard midfield performance.

What Lampard can do as well as anyone in the game is arrive late in the box and finish. At this he is exceptionally good for his club and his club gives him the freedom to do this by having a midfield built to allow him to run forward at will.

A lot like this man did for England:

David Platt, brilliant at arriving late in the box and scoring, so good Graham Taylor preferred his strikers to both run towards the defending full-backs just to make space for him.

However as my late, great, ex-professional football playing Grandfather would say "He runs around like a headless chicken and can't trap a bag of cement", I would add "couldn't pass piss with a cholostomy."

Basically Platt contributed very little to the game outside of his goals and the team suffered overall in later years as the team had to be built around his singular ability to make playing him worthwhile.

Which is how Lampard has been now for a number of years for England, the difference being he doesn't score very often.

Gerrard and Lampard are vying for the same position. If Gerrard doesn't score he will usually contribute with his box-to-box work, his tackling, his much more astute and ambitious passing plus he has shown he can play well with Barry, both of them filling in for each other and takingit in turns running forward or defending.

Lampard gives you goals (but not often for England), inferior passing and his positional sense and desire to get back and defend are not fantastic. He wants to be up the pitch, running beyond strikers which is understandable as that is what he is best at, but the England side is not built purely for him to go charging forward and tonight, too often, Barry was trying to cover 2 players running at him while Lampard ambled past Rooney.

As with previous managers, you have to choose between Lampard and Gerrard and play one of them. As with previous managers, Capello seems reluctant to drop one of them.

England Shambles

To prevent my possible finger dislocation as I type my rant I will break my thoughts on England's 2-2 draw with the Czech Republic into nice bite-size chunks of vitriol and bile.

First up: England managers and THE BIG NAME.

Both Sven and McClaren would constantly include players who were either patently unfit or dreadfully out of form whether there were obvious replacements or not.

How many times have we seen Gerrard wasted on the left to accomodate Lampard and a holding midfielder in the middle with Beckham on the right?

But in comes Fabio and his iron will and pragmatic ruthlessness would have none of that BIG NAME bias.

Tonight he started with an England midfield of Gerrard on the left, Lampard and Barry in the middle and Beckham on the right.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, which translates as "Oh Christ, here we go again."

Just to drag the dying coals over this issue let me go over why that midfield not only doesn't work but has never worked at any time that it has been tried.

1) Steven Gerrard I am biased as I'm a Liverpool fan and have watched this man carry my beloved side on his shoulders even in the biggest games. However I have never seen him play a good game when played as a left-winger, mainly as he isn't a left-winger, right-winger (to some extent the exception), defensive midfielder, right back or secondary striker (and yes he has played all of those positions for England).

He is an attacking central midfielder, in my opinion the best in the country due to his range of through-balls and his striking.

Tonight he was not at his best by a long shot, make no bones about it, but he certainly tried, made some decent runs and hit a couple of solid if unspectacular shots. However particularly in the second half his passing went awry mainly as he was trying to use his right foot on the run when his left foot was the natural option.

The argument that Gerrard is so good he can play anywhere is moot. No matter how good Gerrard is in central midfield, he is nowhere near as good as players like Ashley Young, Joe Cole or even Stewart Downing when it comes to the left wing. But Young and Downing are not BIG NAMES, why Cole wasn't emplyed is explained by Capello's continuation of the great English managerial folly:

trying to play Gerrard, Lampard and Beckham at the same time.

In my next post: Frank Lampard, the modern day David Platt, in a bad way.

Who Watches The Watchmen's Lawyers?

Apparently 20th Century Fox is serious in its attempt to curb Warner Bros. and the Watchmen film we eagerly await.
As any excuse to watch the trailer is a good one, here it is again:







As glorious as the film looks, there are concerns stemming from a court's refusal of Warner Bros. move to dismiss 20th Century Fox's preliminary action towards an injunction on Watchmen due to disagreements on the ownership of film rights. Is this another part of the reason that Harry Potter was moved to next Summer by WB?
So says CBR in this article which was started by this piece at Deadline Hollywood.
Please let this be an early scare and a deal be made.

Premiership? You're Having a Laugh

Finally I can breathe again as football comes back to life and I can spend Saturday and Sunday lamenting the terrible punditry on offer here in the USA.



Ahh Ron, how concise and detailed you seem to me now.


In the tradition of terrible punditry here are my responses to the weekend's games:



Arsenal 1 West Brom 0

Bugger. I was hoping the Baggies could grab a draw at the Emirates and get their season off to a flyer, but they held their own against a very talented side so still positives to be taken.

Bolton 3 Stoke 1

Bolton off to a flyer and a fantastic fluke of the season contender helps show Stoke that they are up against it if Bolton's perennial mediocrity has them scuppered.











Everton 2 Blackburn 3

A surprisingly entertaining game in which Everton worked very hard with very little and Blackburn played some decent football which probably caused some heart attacks in the away end.

Moyes is known for turning turds into tulips but this season he looks to have more crap on his hands than a veterinarian on a dairy farm.

They need to buy and buy soon.

Hull 2 Fulham 1

Across the press, hackneyed journos screamed with delight as the words "fairytale" and "underdog" sprang forth to save them any thought as Hull beat the mighty Fulham at home.

Now personally I wouldn't call this David and Goliath as much as Dave versus Gavin on a pub car park after closing time.

It is good to see the newly-promoted side get some success but I don't expect Fulham to be challenging for anything other than the "Worst Pie Award" this season, so let's not get too carried away.

Middlesbrough 2 Tottenham 1

Many people were surprised by this result, though most of them were from North London. Southgate is finally turning the QE2 away from McClaren's turgid reign of terrible and is trying to get the side playing purposeful and fast-passing football. Tottenham will still have a good season but they have holes to fill after Keane's departure over the summer and Berbatov's departure 10 minutes after arriving.

As long as injuries don't intrude both of these sides will be near each other in the ferocious end-of-season scrap to be above halfway.

Sunderland 0 Liverpool 1

My beloved Liverpool danced merrily upon the dazed faces of the plucky Black Cats as they weaved a romantic tapestry of beautiful passing and imaginative movement and style.











And then I woke up and got back to watching the clunky, confused crap that put me to sleep in the first place.

Rafa you tactical genius you. Buy a second striker who lives on smart passing through midfield, the perfect foil for the rapier of Torres, twin forces of guile and speed with destructive finishes.

No! Kick it higher!

Then lob the ball up at them from the keeper and the fullbacks so they get muscled out of it by lumbering defenders. Gasp with incredulity as your 20 million pound man plays half the game as a right back just to remind himself of what the ball looks like. A tip for you Robbie: It spends more time in the air than it does at Tottenham but it is still round really, the clouds confuse the perspective.

Benitez still doesn't know what formation to play as he tried a 4-4-2 with Kuyt on the right wing. Kuyt couldn't finish so he can't play up front, unfortunately he can't run quickly or cross either so his usefulness as a winger is limited, particularly when he spends most of his time standing inside.

On the other flank Benayoun at least remembered he could stand on his left leg but forgot he could do anything else with it and also repeatedly moved inside.

For pretty much 90 minutes Rafa was employing a 4-1-1-1-1-1-1 formation which made tucking the midfield and defenders in to cover pretty straightforward for Sunderland. Roy Keane could see that one coming, though everyone else has been watching it happen for years anyway.

Fortunately Torres then got the ball and buried it to remind the manager that playing to his strengths might be a good idea after all.

Rafa will accidentally discover his best team in about 2 months, he will then refuse to play it to show how tactically astute he is and Liverpool will be 15 points off the pace by February.

I'm not bitter, honest.

Oh and prepare for Robbie Keane and Torres to be played as wingers with Kuyt through the middle.

West Ham 2 Wigan 1

Dean Ashton wins the game in typical Hammers fashion, he scores 2 good goals then falls over injured. Does Curbishley have shares in BUPA?











West Ham will be mid-table and stay there with the precision of a spirit-level.

Wigan will be fighting for the Champions League place in May, but only if you are reading the Premiership table while doing a handstand at that time.

Aston Villa 4 Manchester City 2

When Mark Hughes took the City job he must have drooled at the prospect of a decent squad and enough money to buy himself the Real Madrid squad just to put in the reserves and have a chuckle about it.

"Call yourself a United forward? Go clean Elano's boots with your tongue Van Nistleroooooooooooy!" he was heard screaming by Mrs. Hughes at 2a.m one morning.
Well the Arthur Daley of Thailand seems to be in a spot of bother and so does poor Sparky.

I geniunely feel sorry for the Man City fans who are having to put up with this farce which looks to have a long way to go yet.











On the other hand, Martin O'Neill is building an exciting team full of verve and attacking intent blended with some steel and organisation. With maybe a little more cover I'd say Villa for 5th spot unless Arsenal or Liverpool commit suicide.

Chelsea 4 Portsmouth 0

Uh oh.
"Big Phil" opened up his Premiership account by scaring the piss out of everyone.

Remember when Chelsea were defensively excellent but too slow to finish teams off and let too many wins turn to draws? Remember when Ranieri had them running forward with style and flair while the defenders were shooting off flare guns to try and find each other?

Yeah those days are gone.

While I think they might need another striker in January depending on if Drogba is either injured or sulking, or if Anelka starts talking to his brother again, it is painfully difficult to see Chelsea as being anything but Champions or a very close 2nd.

Manchester United 1 Newcastle United 1

Hehehehe.

Hehehehehehehehe.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Ahem, sorry.

When I saw that Man. United (no there really isn't just one united, sorry MUTV) were fielding a midfield of Carrick (decent but nothing spectacular), Scholes (solid enough but not the player he was), Fletcher (persistant but average) and Giggs (soon to be talked of having 2 yards in his head a la Sheringham but without the goals or passing) I fancied Newcastle to get something.

Surprisingly though, Ferguson's men were even more pedestrian than I thought they'd be sans TheLesserRonaldo.

Little Kev's Newcastle side actually showed promise, particularly in the form of Jonas Gutierrez who ran up and down the left wing with positivity, discipline and an abundance of pace. Martins actually looked like a Premiership forward.








They rode their luck at times, but Newcastle's industry and willingness to attack when possible gave them a well-earned draw.

As when Quieroz left the last time, Fergie's team spent a lot of time passing the ball around the half way line then not being able to go forward unless Newcastle gifted them an opening.

Most likely these problems will be solved when Nani, Anderson and The LesserRonaldo return and when Rooney is fully fit, but still it will have urged the signing of Berbatov sooner rather than later.

My favourite part of the game came from an altercation between Ferdinand and Giggs. Prepare for expletives as paraphrased through my usually accurate lip-reading:

Giggs (to The Artful Drug Test Dodger): F*** you, you f***ing prick.
Ferdinand (to Giggsywigsy): Just pass the f****ing ball.

Less than a minute later Giggs is on the edge of the Newcastle area, he has a defender in front of him, another covering ready to double-up, one of his teammates is open nearby.

Giggs jinks one way, he jinks another, he jinks again, he flaps his arms around, he pleads to the ref, he watches the defender walk away with the ball.

Giggs was soon after substituted with a hamstring problem, Ferdinand was given the captain's armband, I may have peed a little.

Not that I would take pleasure in Giggsy being dubbed by some as "The Welsh Chimp" and said by others to be reminiscent of George Best in that a) whenever he puts in a right-cross a woman may be in danger and b) he won't be seeing a football pitch next year either.

Ok I went too far there, though on the other hand I could have gone further.

Of course all my bitter vitriol and hatred is tempered by the knowledge that Man. United will most likely be taking one of the top two spots this season and their slow start last season was followed by periods of jaw-dropping football and success.

I miss the usual banter I have at these times and my lack of international calling card means I have no other outlet so please remember this is the ranting of a bitter Liverpool fan exiled in the USA and contains no objectivity or diplomacy whatsoever.

To those offended I apologise.

Except to the Man. United fans.

My Next Obsession

The official launch has now been confirmed as the 18th of September and Warhammer Online:Age of Reckoning (or WAR) is just looking awesome.



The tone seems right, the innovative public quests and tomes are looking to add a fun dimension to the standard MMO gameplay and finally it seems a major game will make PvP worthwhile and fun.

The Dark Knight

It is 3:40am and so I shall be initially brief and spoiler free.
I just returned from a midnight showing of The Dark Knight and will give a cursory and sleep deprived first impression review that I will add to over the next couple of days.

It is a superb film.

Ledger really is that good, the Joker is finally the terrifying force of nature that I've wanted to see.

That is about as far as I will go for now due to my brain falling out and wanting to really process what I saw tonight. Perhaps including a second viewing on an IMAX screen.

Just rest assured, those worried that the hype would kill the actual final product can go and see the film without fear of being underwhelmed.

Wanted

Wanted by Mark Millar and J.G. Jones is about immorality and having fun with it. A young nobody is thrust into a world of supervillains who do what they want, when they want and he proceeds to kill everything that moves in order to get his way and continue to do what he wants.


There is no hero, everyone is narcissistic and it is all done with bad taste and a visceral urge for wanton delight in base individual expression.


Some people understandably detest Millar's adrenaline focused lack of complexity or heart. I thought it was a fun romp.

Wanted starring James McAoy and a mainly silent Angelina Jolie, begins with the same idea of a nobody thrust into a secret world and forced to use the power within him to seek vengeance and take his birthright.

There are differences...

1) No supervillains. That would need a large budget. Instead the secret world is that of a society of assassins called The Fraternity. A thousand year-old sect that was created by weavers in order to...

I'm sorry my brain shut down when I thought that I wrote that a deadly society of weavers...

Sigh, there I go again.

2) The assassins don't kill people because they are powerful and can do whatever they want. Oh no, these are nice assassins who only kill people who will do bad things. Like assassins perhaps.

3) The assassins can bend gunshots around corners, jump across buildings like Neo on his second try and see things no-one else can. They can do this because they have an elevated heart rate. At first this may not seem to make sense but that is just because of logic and these bullet effects cost money dammit!

4) Angelina Jolie has a nice arse. You see it. I think it actually has more lines of dialogue than she does if the tattoos are counted.

5) Now for this one you need to sit down. No really, take in the full comfort of that leatherette computer chair you are seated in if you are lucky, the haemmorroid inducing torture device on wheels if you are not.

Ok here we go.

The Fraternity is given their assignments by The Loom of Fate.

The Loom of Fate.

Say it again, roll it off the tongue, let it permeate your mind so when you see the film you don't worry yourself in thinking "Ermm did my brain just have an aneurism and cause me to think someone just said he gets told who to kill by The Loom of Fate?"

It is ok seeker of truth. He really did just say that the threads on top are 1s and the threads underneath are 0s. Which spell out the wishes of The Loom of Fate.

There's Morgan Freeman shooting his agent in front of The Loom of Fate. He had to shoot him because The Loom of Fate weaved together a binary code that had his name on it, that and Morgan Freeman figures that this is the last time he'll take the cash before reading a script that has anything as monumentally idiotic as The Loom of Fate in it.

He doesn't even bother bending the bullet around the unintended comedy.

There are some very fun scenes in this film, some well constructed action scenes and McAvoy does a decent job even if his American accent slips more often than a drunk camel on ice.

But it tries to make Wesley a hero. He isn't one. It takes the idea of the original comic, waters it down to make it inoffensive and then discovers there's no point, as being offensive is pretty much the whole idea.

Then it throws in The Loom of Fate.

Burn After Reading

Coens. Pitt. Clooney. Malkovich. McDormand and more.

Goofy wonderment.

Cloverfield

We saw the tremendous trailer, the viral marketing, the clues hidden in the bizarre photographs and fake Japanese drink websites and I became concerned that in many ways another Godzilla was growing, a collective anticipation to be burst and deflated as soon as the creature itself is seen.

The success of Cloverfield is that in many ways it just doesn't matter what the twisted and gigantic monster looks like, because this film isn't about the creature.

It is about the utter terror and destruction that washes over the insignificant humans around it and how they find what it is that is important to them through their suffering and despair.

Drew Goddard 's script is tight and balances suspense, awe and raw terror with moments of humour to give the audience that short respite before ramping up the tension again.

Matt Reeves sometimes chooses shots to emphasise the handheld nature of the "footage" that aren't necessary and detract a little, but the majority of the film draws you in and does not let you go.

The actors are far too pretty to truly be Everymen, but still I was effected by their performances, particularly Michael-Stahl David's driven but aptly devastated and bewildered turn as Rob.

T.J. Miller plays Hud, given the task at the party which opens the film to document people's farewells to Rob before he leaves for a new job in Japan. Hud's character is both the comic relief and narrator and has a perfectly pitched, deadpan delivery which contrasts the frenetically bizarre disaster going on around him.

Most of the characters are little more than ciphers, which is unsurprising in a film that clocks in at just over an hour and 15 minutes, yet the lack of development, the sometimes clumsy special effects and plot contrivances are just washed away in the unmitigated thrill of it all.

Each time you think you realise just how bad things are for them, it gets worse and the feeling of powerlessness becomes more and more palpable until the audience participation turns into the voyeurism that the idea of the camera implies.

The choice of the handheld camera as the eye of the film isn't just effective in the fly-on-the-wall style that has become so popular in television drama in recent years, it also gives the illusion of stripping away the comfort zone of editing; the camera does not fade to black when something horrific happens, it keeps going and we experience things that leave us in no mind that anything can happen.

This is still a Hollywood film, there are a number of occasions where belief has to be suspended beyond just the monster so have no false expectations of this being a faux documentary.

There are a number of things I would like to go into detail on but I find myself having to be vague to avoid spoilers, just prepare to be bombarded in as frenetic a manner as I can remember in a film in recent years.

Cloverfield is a dark, howling film that even in its own sense of despair manages to be fun.