Here's a taster of how Fox is pushing their new Friday night schedule:
Hi my name's Summer Glau, you may remember me as River from Firefly. We all loved that show but since Fox hadn't a clue about what it was or how to market it, it was quickly cancelled.
Now we can't really blame Fox for this, they are only people who make television after all and so therefore are run by executives who can't distinguish a shit from a chocolate muffin.
With that in mind let us give them our full confidence as they switch my show, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles to Fridays. Fridays have often been named "The Day Where Shows Go To Die" but Joss Whedon says this time Fox have a different expectation and he's great so I'm sure his show and my show will be fine.
Hey thanks for the exposition Summer (which by the way there'll be plenty of in my brand new show tonight!), and hello to all of you Friday night viewers! My name is Eliza Dushku and as you can see I'm hot, bendy and have to share my clothes with the sensational Ms. Glau.Those great guys at Fox have realised that although Buffy, Angel and Firefly had a large female fanbase, the best way to grab a good audience on a Friday is for Summer and I to pout in a very forced and uncomfortable way while promising to suck your cock like a golf ball through a hosepipe.
They have realised that all of the Buffy nerds are 14 year old boys who cannot go out on a Friday evening and so we will ensure the continuation of the "Whedonesque" following by making vapid allusions to our breasts and how kicking the acne off your chubby pock-marked faces would be fabulous.
Nicely put Eliza, and hey I love that shirt, you look so tough yet inappropriately cleavaged. Where was I? Oh yes, in another show near it's death.
There are people who ridiculously think Fox executives make these decisions while snorting coke from the aerobicised ass of a prostitute. They then dare courageously to prove they are correct in investing in cheap reality television. I mean who would call them geniuses if they didn't throw a good writer to the wolves in order to point and scream "I told you so!" every few seasons?
Well they do earn the big bucks Summer. And please look where you aim, it is very disconcerting.So that's us, Terminator and Dollhouse, or as we are being made to sell them: "Robot I'd Like To Fuck" and "Blow-Up Doll House".
We hope you can put down your Yu-Gi-Oh! cards at the same time every Friday to watch our sexy, sexy adventures. I know there will be some talky bits that you won't like and though the dramatic parts might make you wonder why you are not watching the WWE wrestling as usual, just remember we are much hotter.
We'll see you soon, we have to go cry in a corner as we are thrown into the imaginary puddle of semen on the cold stone floor of a non-existent kids' basement.
A review of the first episode of Dollhouse to follow, but my word Fox's promotion is not encouraging for long-term success.
2 comments:
The worst thing about all of that? Dollhouse wasn't even very good. It pains me to say it, but I was deeply deeply disappointed, but then I was always going to have reservations about the show due to my misgivings about Dushku, who I cannot abide.
Still, Amy Acker is in it, and she's the tops, and Harry Lennix is great too, so it could work out okay.
Yes mate, as you will see I agree completely.
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