With Great Power...

Yesterday the final part of One More Day, Amazing Spider-Man 545, hit the local comic shop. I was expecting this to be bad. I was wrong.

Warning, spoilers abound.

As I outlined in a previous post, this has been the big change in Spider-Man continuity that has been hyped and debated for a long time.

Some have said "Wait until it finishes before judging", I myself was wondering if this catastrophe as it appeared was going to be a huge fakeout as noone in their right mind could really think that this direction was a good idea could they?

Well it has now finished and it is without doubt the single most damaging and blindingly moronic stories I have ever read.

The first part of the issue deals with the turmoil as Peter and MJ dicuss Mephisto's offer: let Aunt May die or have Mephisto alter reality and take away their marriage as if it never happened.

MJ proffers the idea that they do let her die, that she has had a good life, Peter has done everything anyone could do for her, Peter says he has thought of that too (I would like to think so) and that if they decided together to do it then maybe he could live with it.

Then MJ accepts Mephisto's offer, whispering something in his ear to convince him to give Peter a true shot at happiness (most likely theory is she told Mephisto she would bear the tragic knowledge of what they once were).

As a last sting in the tail Mephisto revelas that the young red headed girl who Peter saw on his tour of possible realities in the last issue was HIS AND MJ's DAUGHTER! Gasp!

If Peter didn't realise this before now then he is an utter moron, and even if he didn't, wasn't their ever a point in which he thought that maybe being married to the woman he loves and having good regular sex with her might one day to them having a kid and this would not happen now? Pretty obvious really.

MJ tells Peter she believes that no matter what Mephisto does she believes their love is too storng for anything to break it and they are destined to be together no matter what, they kiss one last time as husband and wife and a nicely drawn montage sums up their life together.

Peter then wakes up, it is the "Brand New Day".

He has overslept on his alarm, that goofy guy, and he dashes downstairs as he is late for something.

The stairs he runs down are owned by his Aunt May because not only is Peter no longer married he apparently is either a 25 year old still living with his old Aunt or somehow time has gone crazy and he's younger.

The former is the truth but the latter is how it feels.

Peter dashes out, stuffing down his beloved Aunt May's wheatcakes shouts that he loves her and rides off on his bicycle.

Yes, his bicycle, yes he is wearing a helmet and yes when this image is added to his other actions in this issue one wonders if he is, well, a little challenged.

Peter arrives at his destination: a surprise party thrown for someone to be revealed.

Flash Thompson is there.

Peter spots MJ who is wearing black and looking solemn, Flash spots the distraction.

"Yikes, awkward! Things still frosty with MJ, huh?"

When reading that line it was like a wonderful journey back in time to a simpler age where dialogue was consistently terrible but noone noticed.

And so the big surprise is shouted as Harry Osbourne enters the room.

Yes Harry is no longer dead as the memorable story that included his death never happened.

Peter spies a hot blonde, which turns out to be Harry's girl.

Peter sulks dramatically and says "figures" because this handsome, athletic 25 year old not only can't get a date he has the proportional emotional maturity of a spider.

The final full page is a close up of the revellers hands and glasses of champagne as they raise a toast to "A brand new day!"

"Mmmm this champagne tastes like piss"

There's then a reprint of the Spider-Man/MJ wedding issue. Because that helps.

Where to begin with this travesty?

First of all, it was Peter's decison to unmask himself in Civil War, he was perfectly aware that someone close to him could be killed due to it, Peter then decided to switch sides knowing full well he and his loved ones would no longer have Stark's protection.

And now with great power comes great inability to accept the consequences of your actions and instead let the devil decide the fates of you and your loved ones.

I doubt that will be the tag-line for Spider-Man 4.

There are all sorts of complications now added. Marvel's concept of time and reality altering has been pretty consistent, one change effects another. Now if Harry is alive then how does that effect things that happened? If Peter never unmasked how does that effect Civil War and all of the fallout from that? Is Dr. Doom dead as Spider-Man saved him when on his way to see MJ on the West Coast but now never made that trip?

Apparently not, we just have to assume it changed some things fundamentally but everything else went pretty much the same way. Except Peter didn't grow up at all through the course of what happened it seems. This profound shift in reality only effected the things Joe Quesada wanted them to (including he uses web shooters again now, Joe Q admitted he had that changed so they now had the possibility of Peter running out of web fluid at bad times again. Yay for great storytelling! Quesada also admitted it was his idea to go to organic webshooters in the first place. Yay for consistency!)

Would you like some ice with your Prime Punch?

And now because Peter has repeatedly acted in a way completely out of character (let's face it he does the deal as he can't handle being at fault for May's death, making him a virtual coward) we now have him apparently return to the character that Joe Quesada believes is the right one.

The goofy, nerd Peter who is 15 years of age in all but physical appearance.

Quesada has accused anyone who disagrees with him as just wanting to keep the character that they grew up liking without seeing the big picture of the character who will appeal to younger fans and ensure his future. Y'know, the character that he grew up liking.

In this softball session some would call an interview, Quesada responds to the OMD controversy.

Here is how Quesada sees the debate:

So, the way I see it, there are two sides of the argument, two segments of fans. On one side, there is a contingency of fandom that wants Peter to age along with them and live life as they do. He needs to get married, have kids, then grandkids, and then the inevitable. One the other side, there are fans that realize Spidey needs to be ready for the next wave or generation of readers, that no one can lay claim to these icons, no one generation has ownership and that we need to preserve them and keep them healthy for the next batch of readers to fall in love with.

Yep all fans who rail against this debacle simply want Spider-Man to grow old and die with them and are being selfish.

Staggering.

If I seem a little scattershot with my response it is because I'm having real trouble fully comprehending how awful this is.

There is nothign wrong with change, Ed Brubaker is doing fantastic work with bringing back Bucky from the dead in Captain America, he is doing great work in having Cap himself killed.

But to erase 20 years of continuity in order to make a character unable to change, to reward his growth with a reset button and all because Quesada thinks marriage ends story, the possibility of a supporting cast and the possibility of the fresh and exciting love triangle plot seems incredible in its stupidity.

I believe Spider-Man is such an iconic character because he is an everyman, a person we can identify with who gets put through the mill time and time again but comes through due to his courage, purity of spirit and respect and love for those around him.

Joe Quesada killed that character as he believes we will better identify with a 25 year old man living with his 75 year old Aunt who doesn't know how to talk to girls, can't scrape together the cash for a date, except when maybe at his millionaire best friend's pad and consistently screws up relationships with stunningly beautiful women because he hasn't grown up yet.

I was expecting this to be bad, instead it is an unmitigated disaster.

Coming soon

1) A review of Lord of the Rings Online (there is a free 7 day trial available here)

2) Hopefully a review of Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story.

3) A review of the final part of One More Day.

4) I'll hopefully get around to the planned "Act Your Ass Off".



Until then here is a picture of Kristen Bell in honour of my wonderful in-laws who got me the season 3 boxset of Veronica Mars which I will watch alongside watching the Superman Animated series I got from a most excellent friend.

Gratuitous? Don't be silly.

Merry Christmas

Have a great one, I miss you all.

The Golden Compass

I'm in a rush so a quick review of what is hopefully the first film of the His Dark Materials trilogy.

I have been looking forward to the release of the film for quite some time as I am a fan of the novels though I haven't read them recently enough to become too nit-picky over adherence to the source material.

I saw it yesterday and overall I enjoyed it though it is far from being perfect.

The main problem the film has is how much it is trying to fit in with just under 2 hours of running time. Most of the scenes are absolutely excellent, but there is no room to breathe between them.

We are here, then we are there where something happens and then we are somewhere else where something happens and no time to breathe or foreshadow properly is taken.

Another problem this compression of the story causes is that there are a couple of moments of very heavy handed exposition that feel clumsy and forced which really undermines the ending in particular.

The acting is excellent, with Daniel Craig a natural as the roguish gent Asriel, Derek Jacobi superb as always playing the twisted head of the Magestirium and Sam Elliott could quite possibly read a menu and hold an audience in rapture.

Dakota Blue Richards' performance is what the The Golden Compass hangs on and she is charming and mischievous without the cloying sentimentality that could have ruined the heart of the film.

Nicole Kidman is perhaps the one underwhelming performance and while she is competent she is a little one-note and lacking in depth with her portrayal of Miss Coulter (a character that reminds me of Lady De Winter from the Musketeers stories), her inner conflict being more effectively portrayed by the superb special effects in one scene.

The daemons are wonderfully realised and are particularly effecting in the case of Lyra's companion who's pain and fear no matter what animal it is in the form of are palpable.

Also fantastically realised is the imposing figure of Iorek Byrnison (voiced with aplomb by Sir Ian McKellan) who's journey to redemption is another plot that is truncated but the resultant battle to regain his pride is just stunning.

I really think if this film had an extra 20 minutes to allow the characters to develop, the narrative to flow more organically and avoid some exposition, this could have been one of the films of the year.

As it is it is still entertaining and I would still be happy to see a sequel.

One More Delay

Joe Quesada has spoken a number of times about the things in the Marvel Universe that he wanted to set right, the genies he wanted to put back in the bottle to paraphrase.

The first one was the exploding mutant population, which was dealt with in the "House of M" arc and fallout. Though House of M was moderately interesting, the actual result of the story was precisely that there were less mutants, with no real vision for how that would improve the story possibilities in the books.

The current Messiah Complex crossover is in fact an attempt to sort out the pig's ear that was created.

"Joey Da Q" had also been dropping the notion in interviews for a long time that Peter Parker and Mary Jane's marriage in Spider-Man was a bad idea that limited the character and prevented new readers joining the book. A discussion has gone on for some time about this, in one camp some think that the lack of a chance for a love-triangle storyline is in itself debilitating to the characters (Quesada himself using this as a main example of why a single Peter would be much better). The other side of the argument says that the vast majority of Spider-Man readers have always known Peter and MJ as a married couple and a lack of good storylines involving that relationship is due to sloppy writing rather than the situation itself.

I'm in the second camp. Frankly I'm bored senseless with the love triangle storyline, Cyclops and Emma Frost are far more interesting than the tired Cyclops/Phoenix/Wolverine carousel. Only in Astonishing has Joss Whedon recently brought Cyclops back to being the badass team leader instead of the mopey sop who was completely defined by his relationship with Jean Grey.

Also if one wants to read about the young high school Spider-Man and his misadventures in love and life, hop on over to the superb Ultimate Spider-Man and enjoy.

The main problem Quesada has with the marriage is that it ages Peter, makes him a young twenty something and that is not the Spider-Man he fell in love with and so therefore believes is not the character a new generation would fall in love with.

So One More Day was announced, an event which would be weekly, over in a month and would irrevocably (re)define MJ and Peter's relationship. Excitement built when Quesada was announced as the penciller (again showing how personal his involvement in the story is) and the rumours swirled about the resolution.

To lead in, yet another event was announced, "Back in Black" where Aunt May is mistakenly shot and Peter dons the old black costume to show he's really not happy and in a dark place. Yep he dresses up like Venom to show that he's annoyed. Then we have issue after issue of Peter being willfully dumb, moaning about things and then deciding that he would break the law and kill people for revenge which went against everything the character has ever done.

Not a good sign of where things were headed.

Back in Black then ended thankfully, and One More Day began.

One More Day Issue 1 was pretty much exactly the same as the past several issues of Back in Black.

Then issue 2 was announced as being delayed from the following week to 3 weeks later.

Then 6 weeks later. Then 2 months later.

Exciting plans for the "Brand New Day" for Spider-Man were announced, but unfortunately that was all put on hold until Quesada could pull his finger out and draw the rest of "One More Day".

So for months the entire Spider-Man line has been non-existant. Again not a good sign.

In Part 2 of One More Day Peter is given the chance by Dr. Strange to search the entire Marvel Universe for a way to cure Aunt May. He is unsuccessful and is left in despair with the full knowledge he cannot save his beloved 80 year old Aunt who has already died at least twice.

Some would churlishly point out a number of ways to save May (a blood transfusion from Angel for starters) but lets not let obvious plot holes get in the way of a remorselessly dragging story.

Part 3 was released this week and we were told Peter would be given an awful choice, one that would change his life, forever...

For 9 pages Peter walks around talking to obvious alternate universe versions of himself and his daughter. There's no huge point to this to be honest but it builds up to who is behind these events, the Woman in Red who then explains for 6 pages that he has been speaking to alternate versions of himself. Riveting.

The Woman in Red then reveals herself to be Mephisto! Who then spends a page describing why he would be bothered with the lovable peon who is Peter Parker as he would "go anywhere, do anything for the sound of a soul in pain". Apparently just not enough of that in hell these days so he's on a road trip.

He offers a deal to both Peter and MJ, give up their marriage and he will save Aunt May. He does this as a small part of their souls would eternally remember the happiness they have given up and would suffer which would be really satisfying to him.

He tells them they have one more day (you names the title you wins the prize) and either their Aunt will die or their marriage will never have existed.

I'm pretty sure that moment was meant to be one of shock and turmoil but in my mind a sound like dropping a stone into an old bucket occurred.

If you turn the page after the dreaded deal is announced you will hit the center staples. Yes this languid tale doesn't reach the halfway point of this special-sized book due to adverts and a reprint of Silver Surfer issue 3 where Mephisto messes with him , because that proves that he's done this sort of thing before so noone should complain about it being ludicrous.

There is also a 6 page profile of Mephisto just to make sure a) you know who this is and b) know this is a big deal and c) show that Quesada didn't just pull this out of his arse.

Risible.

For further hilarity JMS has publicly stated he not only loudly disagreed with the plot for One More Day but asked for his name to be taken off the final two issues, then reneged after being asked by Quesada (One More Day by Alan Smithee).

Also JMS reveals the Sins Past storyline where Norman Osborn apparently had sex with Gwen Stacy who then had his kids (and MJ knew it for years) was originally meant to have been a story about Gwen secretly having Peter's kids but Q told JMS to change it. It aged him too much.

But I digress.

Whether Peter being single and never having been married to MJ (though a part of his soul will know and will be really upset) will lead to better stories is up in the air.

What matters at the moment is that a reset button with masking tape stuck on it and "Mephisto" scrawled over is still a reset button. It is a retcon that is questonable in concept and profoundly bad in its execution. On top of that it is a retcon that is very late and harming the whole line of a company's major character.

And the fans are supposed to be excited about it.



But look on the bright side, soon(ish) Pete can be swinging through the streets deciding if he wants to nail Betty Brant, the Black Cat or MJ. Of course they're not getting rid of MJ, everyone recognises her as an important part of Peter's life.




So they're making her a superhero called Jackpot.



If this is a fake-out and Joe Quesada points and laughs hysterically at fandom while screaming "You didn't honestly think I was that stupid did you?" I shall raise a drink in his honour.


If this is heading where it seems to be, the new and much more exciting stories easily spring to mind.It's just a shame they're in Ultimate Spider-Man.

This story was done much more successfully in the season one episode of Angel entitled "I Will Remember You". In that episode Angel gets the life and love he has dreamed of, but gives it all up as he knows it could lead to Buffy's death.

If MJ had been shot and Peter gave up his marriage in order to save her, then the tragedy might have worked enough to paper over the retcon.

As it is I wish that someone in Marvel editorial would think that maybe marriage isn't inherently a barren landscape for stories.

Pity the Fool

My apologies for my recent blog-fading, with work, illness, a new computer and a renewed enjoyment of online gaming I've been a bit distracted.
I'll be posting regularly again shortly, but for now, enjoy this Warcraft related ham:

Gone Baby Gone

Ben Affleck is held up by some as a joke. The shining example of a lack of talent and too much publicity creating an unfairly successful individual.

Personally I think he gets a lot of crap thrown at him that others deserve more readily.

The stock line I read when Gone Baby Gone was announced with Ben Affleck as co-screenwriter and director was "I hope he directs better than he acts".

Well I think his acting isn't as consistently risible as some critics portray and I certainly think his directorial debut should be judged on its own merits, not on the receding stench of Jennifer Lopez.

Gone Baby Gone is the story of a kidnapped girl taken from a rough neighbourhood in Boston. Patrick Kenzie (played by Casey Affleck) and his professional and romantic partner Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan) are private detectives who specialise in finding missing persons. The pair are hired by the missing girl's aunt as they can get answers from people who won't say a word to someone in a uniform.

The head of the investigating department of the police, Jack Doyle (Morgan Freeman) initially dismisses the pair, particularly Kenzie, as being inexperienced and loud mouthed but he is forced to allow them access to the investigation through Detectives Bressant (Ed Harris) and Poole (John Ashton, probably best known for his role in Beverly Hills Cop).

It is of no surprise that Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris are absolutely superb but the real revelation is Casey Affleck. Switching between understated and violent, charming and stoic, Affleck is consistently credible and powerful.

Moments of complete fear and vulnerability are effecting to both the character and the audience and usually in films a character vomiting is a signifier of how the audience is meant to feel, but this time I was right there with Kenzie.

Yet in other scenes Kenzie is the smallest man in the room but you simply wouldn't back against him, not purely because of the audience's agreement with the film that he is the hero, but because Affleck manages to be utterly ferocious and undeniable.

At one point Kenzie has a gun pointed to his face and I thought both of the Affleck brothers' choices in the scene were enthralling. And as a friend of mine would say, the "Act Your Ass Off" moments come thick and fast with Affleck able to goe toe to toe with Freeman and Harris convincingly.

The choices in the use of camera, dialogue and the supporting cast aims to authentically portray the strange mix of togetherness and danger that only someone who has lived in such places can recognise. Boston has a real personality in Gone Baby Gone and it is the clash of class and perspective that drives the central themes of the film.

It is difficult to go into the plot without being spoiler heavy to the point of ruination, but while there are a few overly obvious pointers to where things are headed, this is a strong film with plenty of intelligence and emotion which could easily have been cloying and contrived but instead remains purposeful and provocative up to and including the final shot.

Some reviewers I have glanced at over here see this as being a film with moral ambiguity yet for me I think the moral center of the film is utterly unwavering.

The central question that is posited is "Can all reactions be forgiven in the face of utter evil?".

For some reason the current political and social climate in America as pertains to foreign policy haven't been linked to Gone Baby Gone as far as I have seen, but to me the pragmatism and moral certainty of Kenzie is a direct response to the media's attempts to cloud the correct choices.

A very solid directorial debut from Ben and a breakout performance from Casey, well worth a viewing.

Shatner Speak

So the Bionic Woman rears its pasty head again and for some reason I find myself compelled to watch.

This week I will break my review down into a more managable size.

Miguel Ferrer wants to go home now.

Michelle Ryan struggles to act, run or blink in a manner which makes one believe there is something worth sticking around for.

Katie Sackhoff could be a champion gurner and I'm pretty sure the director is shouting "Bigger!" at her with every scene.

Homophobe Man carries on being awful at every turn and his character does utterly incredulous things to move the story on and show he is willing to think outside the box. Unfortunately the box is marked "Competent".

At least there was some action. Really bad action. If you thought Beast flying through the air in X-Men 3: Murder of a Franchise was graceful then even your cataracts won't hide the amateurish jumping effects used in last night's Bionic Woman.

Nicholas Hammond would have pointed and laughed.

The revelation was that the implants leave our bionic lass with 5 years to live. I think the showrunners have an optimism that should be applauded.

Then again, Charmed lasted forever.

Can't...take...muchmoreofthis.

Shoot the Scriptwriter, Save The Series

Ahh Heroes, here we are again, still the awkward exposition, the clumsy acting and the head scratching plot holes that were evident in season 1. Such a shame that the cliffhangers and fun didn't return.

Lets do a rundown of the movers and shakers of season 2, spoilers included.

The Bennets

Noah (HRG as he is also known) is working a menial job in order to keep his profile low, he tried to play nice but his moronic boss annoyed him so a finger lock and a talking-to later and he takes a coffee break whenever he damn well wants to.

Some might wonder why Noah isn't just keeping completely out of sight, particularly as he can apparently afford a shiny new Nissan (got to keep the show sponsors happy) for his perky daughter Wolverine.

Noah is the sly spy as ever and has plans to bring down his former employers from the inside, but there is a snag. One of the 8 remaining paintings of the future has Noah's horn rimmed glasses shattered by a bullet hole with him still wearing them. Save the HRG save the world?

Claire is trying to not bring attention to herself by never answering a question in class and avoiding any sort of social interaction. Just like any normal High School kid. Perhaps the next part of her brilliant strategy will involve wearing a black trenchcoat and muttering about hunting season in the cafeteria.
Fortunately for her, a foppish rebel with his own secret (he can fly, like Nathan, apparently they ran out of new powers), pretends to be an infinitely boring version of Christian Slater in Heathers and takes a shine to her and floats outside her window gazing at her from afar.
Some would call this creepy (and reminiscent of Superman Returns) but no, he's just smitten and he forces Claire to admit to her power and they go and fly around a bit and kiss in a non-threatening manner.
Last season Claire was destined to die. This season she is destined to have a clumsily brief entry into the Mile High Club.
Their burgeoning relationship is threatened though as it turns out the boy that Claire could give a flying f@#! for has had a run in with HRG in the past. Riveting.

The Petrellis

Nathan Petrelli wonders around drunk sporting a huge beard while wearing suede and talking to a grizzly bear called Ben, who is his friend and they go on adventures. He mutters about how he survived the giant explosion he heroically sacrificed himself for but we all stick our fingers in our ears and try to forget that episode ever happened.

Peter Petrelli is being attacked by a viciously stupid amnesia plot and some even more ferocious accents. Begorrah. He has kept all of his powers except for his ability to keep a shirt on.

Their Mom has been marked for death and may join Sulu in leaving the Titanic when the waters got chilly.

Matt and Mohinder

Matt and Mohinder try to raise Molly Plot De La Device as she struggles with nightmares and visions of this season's villain. She also struggles with being convincing when speaking but she's young, let's not dwell.
Matt thinks he is now Jackie Chan in Super Cop while more closely resembling Nick Frost in Hot Fuzz.
Mohinder is in league with Noah in trying to take down the organisation he now works for. He gets inside the belly of the beast as his own blood is the only cure for the deadly plague killing people with powers (for more see the Legacy Virus story in Uncanny X-Men throughout the 90s).
Brilliantly, he keeps in contact with Noah on a standard mobile phone that he even uses at the evil company's own buildings. They'll never figure out what is going on, or where Noah is or even shoot him in the eye in the near future.

Last Year's Popular Character

Hiro is in Japan in the 1600s forcing an English Wolverine (not the Cheerleader Wolverine, easy to confuse, but theres a new powers drought going on) into becoming the hero he idolised as he listened to profoundly dull stories as a child.
He sends messages to his friend Ando by placing them in Kensei's sword hilt. Fortunately noone in the ensuing 400 years bothers to look at the bottom of the sword's handle which reads "Open This Ando, Not Anyone Else Please"*.
Hiro makes us all feel like true heroes as while he can travel back in time we can see the future with amazingly obvious clarity.
He also sends us back in time to an age when Comics didn't have a recap page and we had to suffer through 4 pages of annoying exposition every single issue.

The Dynamic Duo

Maya and Alejandro Herrera desperately scramble to the United States to use the fantastic health system ( sorry couldn't resist) and find a cure for Maya's deadly power which makes her cry black toxic tears that kill all around her in a devastatingly uninteresting way. Next week they reach the border and find their ultimate enemy: Robo-Romney and his appeal-to-the-base immigration policy.

Scary Spice

Sylar is in the middle of a jungle, recovering from a gut wound which somehow made him lose all the powers he has learned. He discovers that after murdering Illusion Girl he can't use her abilities either. The audience discovers this all seems far too convenient to take seriously.

The Sanders

Niki drops Micah off with Uhura so she can do a job for The Company as they have promised to cure her of the Legacy Virus. Noone cares.

Micah is upset at leaving Las Vegas as his father D.L. Shadowcat is there, underneath 6 feet of dirt and a tasteful headstone. Niki tells Micah whenever he wants to visit with Dad she will make it happen. Hopefully this isn't a death threat.


So that is how things stand 3 episodes into the 2nd season and apparently the viewership is shrinking quicker than The Atom in a cold shower.

This cannot be a surprise to many people as there just isn't anything to get excited about so far and a lot of each episode seems to be filler, putting the characters out of each others' way until they can come back together again and have a communal letdown like last season.
The tension has palpably slackened and a lot of the glaring faults of season 1 are starting to become the only things to judge the second season on.
The second story arc needs to pick up faster than a speeding bullet.


Look, up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No, it's Kristin Bell!

Save us Veronica Mars, save us!

*Translated from the Japanese and ludicrous.

Plastic Appendages

Last night was a chance to catch the second episodes of NBC's The Bionic Woman and Life.

I was willing to give Bionic Woman the benefit of the doubt and thought my good friend the Admiral was being a little harsh in his review of the pilot episode last week.

I hoped that the second episode would improve as much of the exposition had been done with.

The following contains spoilers.

What a crock of dross.

The episode opens with the funeral of the ex-Eastender's boyfriend, which is kind of out of the blue in some ways but either a) this is a nice turn from the usual injury that is easily survived or b) a painfully uninteresting surprise to be revealed later in the series.

Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan) has responded by getting hammered at a bar (apparently the nanotech doesn't cure poisons) and dives on the nearest bloke that smiles on her and breaks his rib amidst some clumsy fumbling in the bathroom. The tryst is interrupted by Jonas Bledsoe (the woefully wasted and patently bored senseless Miguel Ferrer) her shadowy benefactor who explains to her what his company does.

"We're a private clandestine group dedicated to stopping rogue organisations from ending civilisation as we know it, to put it simply we save the world."

Did Miguel Ferrer read that line and think "Hmm do I play it with a rushed "Someone Shoot Me Now" glance or a "Just think about the money" sneer?

This episode strives so hard to be cool and smart and does it through so many cliches it is staggering. Anyone can write better lines than some of those perpetrated in here, and I'm including those advertising hacks who write for local second hand car dealerships.

Our Bionic Lass discovers that her supposedly dead boyfriend had a dossier on her stretching back 2 years before they met. She finds it not by use of her Bionic Bits (tm) but by noticing a loose floorboard that she'd somehow managed to always miss before, even though it is an obvious health and safety hazard and would normally have one of those bright yellow plastic signs sitting next to it.

The Bionic Cockney (c) has to go into school as her little sister has been smoking the reefer but she manages to talk her out of trouble so she can still do the talent show that week.

I thank watching Moonlight last week that I didn't black out halfway through this subplot, it girded my brain for such zombifying mediocrity.

Jaime meets up with never before seen friends so they can congratulate themselves on being successful and thereby making our hero question whether she should be doing more with her life.

Jaime tries to figure out where she's going with her life by reading a self-help book in a bookstore and it just so happens bigot-of-the-month Isaiah Washington arrives and offers such philosophical gems as:

"Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," and "Maybe you just need to find out uh what Jaime Sommers has to offer the world, that's all."

Dr. Phil take notes as this fellow is out to save the world, one badly conceived character at a time. As he walked into shot I thought about how he got another job since his escapades in Grey's Anatomy and also if we weren't intentionally supposed to automatically assume we would be seeing him as part of the shadowy organisation very quickly. They couldn't have seriously thought this was a set up to a twist could they?

Jaime walks out of a coffee house and spots a woman about to jump off a roof next door and saves her. That may seem like a random event mainly due to it being ridiculous.

The main plot is introduced after an apparent biological weapon has been used in a small town, killing a number of people and Manly Woman (played by Molly Price who surprisingly wasn't in Spandau Ballet) thinks she should investigate as it may be a test run for something bigger.

The Bookstore Homophobe shockingly turns out to be working for Jaime's new company as she signs up to save the world and heads out with Manly Woman (a butch Eddie Izzard) to solve the mystery.

Thanks to the power of her bionic ear, Jaime hears a survivor noone found for some unexplained reason and who is immune to the toxin for another unexplained reason and is important for another unexplained reason. She does however explain that it was odd that a gas truck spent all morning driving around town in a circle. Elementary my dear Watson!

Then the evil mercenaries appear in the middle of their own biological hotzone for some other unexplained reason except that it is time for our pasty-faced heroine to bionically kick some arse!

She goes toe to toe with a Blackwater reject and basically gets smacked around and squeals until she lands a bionic right hand on his chin. And then he gets back up, which kind of undermines her status as a devastating powerhouse. Fortunately the fight is therefore prolongued so a stunt double can round house kick a tin of paint into the mercenary's head.

They then run away (without the diabolical special effect) and Bigot's Eye for the Queer Guy turns up all dressed in black with some friends (who wear balaclavas so they can deny working with Isiaiah Washington) and saves Manly Woman and Bionic Woman.

It turns out Manly Woman was right and this is just a test run (because you only really know if a lethal airborn toxin works for sure when it has been tried in a suburb) and the bad guys want to ship over 20 trucks to cities across the country that night.

Shipping them at the same time as the test run to make it more difficult to stop them would have just used up too many quarters on toll roads. Or something.

Miguel Ferrer turns up dressed in black and yawning like he is wearing pajamas with other ninja soldiers who then stop the bad guys with one flashbang and stern voices.

Jaime stands around pondering her new life while doing nothing (maybe her batteries were low) but is sure she has done the right thing and goes off to see her equally pale sister at the talent contest where warm smiles and a sudden realisation that I had lost an hour of my life occur.

Why on this increasingly polluted Earth would you get past the pilot episode and then spend most of the next episode adding more exposition? Did blurry running really cost that much to do in the pilot?

Plot twists are signposted with the cunning subtlety of a nuclear explosion, actors get to sound like they want their Mommy now when delivering utterly shocking dialogue and Michelle Ryan might be getting a hankering for jellied eels about now.

A scrotum-shrivellingly bad episode.

But worry not, Life is here and after getting the exposition-fest over in the pilot episode we get to see Damian Lewis acting up a storm and the best procedural police drama in years.

Or we get to see Damian Lewis hoping the writing gets as good as the pitch meeting and yet another bloody Scooby Doo mystery.

A bride is murdered on her wedding day, the groom is outside the hotel near the pool drinking tequila and mumbling incoherently covered in blood.

So I guess it'll be the deputy from Veronica Mars who walks in and out of shot in the first 10 minutes who murdered the bride for very little reason then.

50 minutes of supposed misdirection later and Old Man Guy From Veronica Mars pulls off his mask and states "I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you pesky-ginger-Zen-Detective-types".

Life is an example of a good idea that falls apart when written by lazy hacks who stick to regurgitated scripts while praying to whatever God despises them that the audience is too stupid to notice.

Then I slept fitfully and had nightmares about Lost being this bad when it returns.

On the bright side Smallville is on tonight and Moonlight tomorrow.

I swear it is all a conspiracy to make Heroes seem watchable.

Superman: Doomsday

There is an odd relationship between DC's animated division and the comic book source material; time and again, the animated versions are frankly more interesting.

To me anyway.

In my mind when Batman speaks I still hear Kevin Conroy, Superman has never been more interesting than in Justice League Unlimited (outside of Christopher Reeve that is) and Michael Rosenbaum's best performance of a DC charcter certainly isn't as Lex Luthor, it is as The Flash.

On the other hand I'm much more likely to enjoy a Marvel comic, yet their animated efforts so far have had the style and grace of a severe genital rash.

So when DC announced a range of direct-to-DVD films based very closely on the source material I was intrigued, when it was anounced the esteemed Mr. Timm would be producing I was sold.

The first title to be released from the new crop of ventures is Superman:Doomsday.

The original source material has some good character moments but is mainly a slugfest followed by navel gazing followed by a ridiculously contrived build up to a silly return.

So as I sat down to watch the DVD I had mixed expectations.

I don't want to get too spoilery so I won't go into miniscule detail, though the main plot is pretty obvious if you've gone as far as reading the title. If you haven't read the comics and don't want to know anything at all then I'll just say that the film is a success and an example of how arse-kicking a fight with two super humans can be.

Superman is voiced by Adam Baldwin who does an admirable job as the big boy scout though there isn't much difference in tone when he plays Clark Kent, but as we don't really see much of Clark in this film it isn't a jarring problem.

This Superman is strong, confident and heroic but also smarter than he is often presented, bearing a resemblance to the brilliant Grant Morrison representation, Kal-El spends his off-time trying to cure cancer in between making small suns and chatting with his robot companion in the Fortress of Solitude.

He also spends time giving Lois Lane some super-lovin' as they have been intimate for a few months although astoundingly he has not divulged his "secret" identity, something Lois calls him on with much chagrin.

Perhaps the least natural voice in the film, Anne Heche plays Lois (who the film centers around) and her portrayal seems to be slightly influenced by Jennifer Jason Leigh's performance in Hudsucker Proxy, which can be distracting, but she earns forgiveness as she pulls off some key emotional moments, particularly on the porch of the Kent farmhouse.

As is obvious, I am a Whedonite and a complete fanboy when it comes to many of the cast members of Buffy, Angel and Firefly (see Adam Baldwin in Superman and Chuck for evidence) and so Lex Luthor being voiced by the formerly peroxide blonde James Marsters is a real treat.

Lex is fantastic in this film, he is the super-genius that Alan Moore envisioned (he comes up with a cure for muscular dystrophy while staring out of a window...then sends it off to be turned into a more profitable long term treatment) and he is also completely self-absorbed and ruthless. His obsession with Superman as presented here is not just a simple jealousy of power but almost a twisted, poisoned love of what the Kryptonian represents, and an intense need to destroy it.

Marsters knows how to switch from menacing to glib as well as anyone and the arrogance that is always Lex's weakness is intertwined with a powerfully dangerous Machiavellian nature effortlessly.

Although the film is mainly shot from Lois' perspective, a hefty proportion of its success depends on how menacing Doomsday is, which is a difficult proposition as he is in essence a bony-hided Hulk with less dialogue.

Fortunately, someone at Warner Brothers offered fellatio to the censors and got this film a PG-13 while allowing the violence to be eye-opening. In many cartoons, when a tank is blown up, the driver and gunner will jump out the moment before and run to safety. The jet that is shot down explodes while the pilot's parachute safely opens for all to see and no death occurs.

Superman: Doomsday is a different animal. Not only are there no parachutes but the jets crash into buildings and populated streets, Doomsday picks up one soldier who screams in terror, then we cut away as we hear a loud crack as the behemoth breaks another victim in half.

Doomsday not only threatens, he murders and he does it brutally.

When the titular characters face off it is explosive. Only a couple of fights in the JLU animated series have equalled such raw majesty and force as streets are levelled, windows shattered and buildings flattened by Superman and Doomsday's confrontation (a note to Bryan Singer, for the next Superman film please have Supes beat the piss out of somebody rather than get bludgeoned by street thug number 4, and let's have Superman do something that involves being awe-inspiring other than being the world's greatest fork-lift). The difference in this film is people die, the stakes are raised and when one of them falls it is a memorable moment, you can believe one has given his all to beat the other.

There are a lot of smart choices in the aftermath (including an iconic image involving the red cape that is effecting, but not lingered on) and having the marvellous Ray Wise (to be seen in Reaper reviewed here by Canyon) as Perry White full of bluster and concern for Lois as he reminds her "He ain't around to pull your ass out of the fire anymore" gives a true sense of a world in shock, scrambling to come to terms with a new age.

There is a nod to the relationship between Superman and Wild Wild West in a fun cameo

to interject some respite from the tragedy just as things get darker for the supporting cast.

I won't go into the rest of the plot as it deviates from the original comics' convoluted progression and though the final denouement is too convenient I found it was still satisfying.

Along with a slightly weak ending in comparison to the rest of the film the only decision made through the film that bothered me was the character design. Lex perhaps a little too thin making him seem alien in appearance.

Also I think there was concern that the style was too close to that of Superman: The Animated Series so cheekbones were added that frankly look silly at times and make some characters look ugly, particularly Superman.

Superman: Doomsday is an entertaining film that certainly gives hope for the other animated films being worked on, in the extras is a preview of the movie based on Darwyn Cooke's seminal The New Frontier, with a 50's Superman voiced by Kyle MacLachlan, Wonder Woman played by Lucy Lawless and in even further geekery, David Boreanaz as Hal Jordan.

In the animated films being released by the two big comics companies, DC's polish and use of their characters makes Marvel look positively anaemic.

Moonlight

I was going to post a review of the 2nd season opener of Heroes (HRG saved the opener, but it was mainly uninteresting and had none of the bang it needed after last season's squib ending) but in the last couple of nights a war has broken out.

A war for the heavyweight champion of turgid season openers.

In the red and blue corner we have the early frontrunner, the veteran purveyor of utter mediocrity and bad acting: Smallville.

In the grey corner it is the new challenger, CBS' new vampire "thriller" Moonlight.

Smallville is known for having two episodes per season that are almost worth watching. The opener and the finale. Usually the opener involves the stunning revelation that Lana wasn't quite wooden enough to burn up in whatever fire she was in at the end of the previous season. Supermeh blows the budget for the next 22 episodes and saves the day and Lex wonders why he hasn't murdered all of these idiots. He wouldn't be crossing to the dark side, it would be a mercy slaughter.

Tom Welling cycles through all three of his facial expressions in this episode while looking like Brandon Routh's father. We get a few shots of Supergirl and Lex thinks she is an angel, yes, Lex Luthor thinks the latest blonde in town is in fact a servant of the Lord. And not Maxwell either.

Things almost happen, Clark remembers he is strong in sunlight, one person literally rises from the dead because...well, she just does and let's not talk about it, and Lana isn't dead. Again.

However, she is in a really bad green screen that is supposed to be Shanghai and she is dressed as a hooker. She wears a blonde wig she picked up from a drunk transvestite and just in case the audience has been lobotomised (again, mercy) or is watching through HD-Braille, she whips the wig off to both confirm it is she, Lana and also to audition for Pantene.

Utter dross.

But wait, you thought things couldn't get any worse but then CBS unleashes Moonlight upon an unsuspecting world.

The premise is an interesting one. A vampire lives in Los Angeles and works as a private detective in order to help the mortals who...hold on, this sounds familiar.

In fact many people have made comparisons between Moonlight and another show called Angel.

Now the similarities might seem obvious (including the blatant rip-off of editing style when changing scenes) but they are completely different shows.

Angel was good, Moonlight is bad in brobdingnagian proportions.

Alex O'Loughlin stars as Mick St. John (yes I know), a 90 year old vampire who doesn't drink fresh blood (though he does drink human blood which in of itself is...hold on, I'm thinking, silly me) and in the opening episode is trying to solve an apparent vampire-caused murder to stop anyone else suffering the same fate and to prevent the revelation that vampires exist.

O'Loughlin is a moon-faced charisma vacuum who has the edgy wit and delivery of a 50 year old arthritic UPS driver. Whereas David Boreanaz was dangerous, sexy and physically imposing even in his pie-eating phase, O'Loughlin misses every mark he aims at, his charming moments are vapid, his action scenes are fluffy.



At one point he goes to answer a door and manages to be unconvincing. Let me just repeat that for emphasis, he is unconvincing at acting out opening a door.



His line is "Yeah, yeah." in response to the door knocking. I think the writer imagined the delivery to be one of impatience and world-weary grouchiness. Instead "Yeah, yeah." said by O'Loughlin is reminiscent of alternative pop duo "They Might Be Giants".



St. John (not the baptist) comes across a ferociously inept reporter called Beth Turner, played by Sophia Myles who looks like Kate Winslet, but oddly moon-faced, which I think is where the series title came from.



She goes undercover as a college student (she takes 10 years off by wearing pigtails, not since Clouseau has a disguise worked this well) in order to trap the obviously not-guilty cult leader (played by the fellow who appeared in Buffy as Dracula just to throw the sinus-infected audience off the scent).



In Scooby Doo tradition it is of course the background character we are introduced to briefly who is the true culprit and St. John (unfortunately still not the baptist) goes into green screen action mode and the audience is amazed that even a car drive can be such a bad special effect.

I remember trying one of the early virtual reality headsets and along with the feeling of nausea from just those expensive 20 minutes, I felt sick for months after if i saw a certain Dire Straits video on MTV.



Moonlight's special effects made me remember those halcyon days.



And yet the strange spinning sensation didn't end there as St. John (also not the superb goalscorer for Liverpool in previous decades) is having Beauty and The Beast style pant-tightening thoughts for the reporter in an incredibly disturbing way.

Thanks to the power of Vaseline covered lenses and shockingly bad narration we are treated to flashbacks that reveal St. John saved Miss Turner over 20 years ago and has been keeping tabs on her since, from afar.



Yep, he wants to nail the girl he has been stalking since she was about 8 years old.



My jaw actually dropped.




To prove every cloud has a silver lining, the previously fabulous Jason Dohring who devoured the screen as Logan in Veronica Mars plays an ancient vampire who gives Mick his orders.



Do you remember a slow mo shot and "Get out of there!" being screamed at Rocky Balboa in Rocky III?



Now instead of Rocky in the ring cut to Jason Dohring in Moonlight who struggles heroically to turn swill into wine and rises above the rest of the cast by actually acting as if he has acted before.



A femme fatale was introduced but I didn't care as soon my fortitude won out and the episode came to an end.



Moonlight is quite possibly the worst first episode of a series that I have had the misfortune and bewilderment to see.

Avoid like the plague if possible, use as a straw man argument that Smallville is good if you so desire.

P.s.

Jason Dohring, please, listen to Apollo Creed, he was the Count of Monte Fisto afterall.

Radioweb

While having far too much time on my hands thanks to the USA's brilliant policy of not allowing me to work for nearly a year after arriving in the country I found myself drawn towards the murky world of podcasting.
Podcasting really is an extension of the web; anyone with a computer and a mic and the basic knowledge of mpeg formatting can produce their very own episodic radio show with whatever content they please, and not all of it is porn.

To begin with, podcasts allowed me to keep up with the football action I miss so dearly through downloadable episodes of 606 (still the best phone-in show going thanks mainly to Alan Green's unwavering opinions) and from there I started to search around for content to satisfy my geeky hunger.

For comics I go no further than the superb iFanboy and Around Comics podcasts. iFanboy release a Pick of The week show every Sunday in which one of the hosts (Josh, Conor and Ron) review their favourite single issue in depth and then go on to discuss the other releases in an intelligent, knowledgeable and entertaining way. They have differing tastes, know their stuff and have an obvious love of the medium they talk about.
On Saturdays the trio also release a video-cast where they pick a comics related subject and add their thoughts in an informative style that is often aimed at the comics newcomer but always of interest to any fan of the medium.

Around Comics has a similar outline for their twice weekly shows but are slightly more raucous and irreverant in their approach, they cover comics news, reviews (in their Top of The Stack segment), future releases and creator interviews in a round table style, which often disintegrates into name-calling and vulgarity which has left me laughing loudly on a regular basis.

For podcasts dedicated to gaming MOG and Virginworlds are the two stand out shows which are utterly different and absolutely complimentary.

MOG (Massively Online Gamer) was once entirely focused on MMO news and discussion but as hosts Gary Gannon and Ryan Verniere became bored senseless with the new releases they have shifted to add console gaming to their perview. MOG isn't for those who are easily offended (their interview with the star of Whorecraft being a classic example) and the duo go from the philosophical and esoteric to ball-shaving and world class ranting with furiously funny ease.
Their sporadic video podcasts have "amaaaazing" production values and the chemistry between the two long-time friends keeps the show fresh, thought-provoking and consistently entertaining.
Definitely one to go through the archives and listen to.

Brent, the host of Virginworlds, is highly respected in the community due to his knowledge of the industry and his commitment to producing content with astounding regularity and quality. Virginworlds is a weekly MMO news show in which Brent goes through the stories making waves in the community and though he does add his own opinions on the burgeoning genre he isn't as rabid as many poseurs on the block. Brent recently opened up the Virginworlds label as a hub for a number of podcasts all of which can be accessed through his website which itself is a fantastic resource for the MMO enthusiast or "noob".
Brent's episode on how to make a podcast is about all you could wish for in a how-to guide.
If you want to know what I sound like at 2am with a shoddy mic and a pounding headache you can hear me reviewing an MMO on an episode in the Virginworlds archives.


There is a lot of dross out there, but let's face it that is true about the Internet in general, but look around and you'll find some really good content.
When I have spent an hour and a half listening to a podcast that I have enjoyed immensely produced by someone in their bedroom then switch on the gogglebox and find an inordinate amount of garbage that costs a fortune to produce I feel glad that the revolution won't be televised.


I honestly spend more time listening to podcasts than I do watching television these days, then again with the horrific advertising policy that is standard in television broadcasting in America I watch most television via DVD anyway.


There are other shows I listen to but my time is short this afternoon, but any suggestions for good podcasts would always be appreciated.

Just for One Day

Warning: The following post includes spoilers of The Matrix Revolutions. And as I am talking about that film it is absolutely guaranteed I will get rabid.

You have been warned.

I was having a conversation with a friend tonight and she asked me the following pertinant and interesting question:

"Why am I looking forward to Heroes?"

It got me thinking.

Heroes has shoddy dialogue, hackneyed plot devices, homage-a-meter originality (this week: Days of Future Past, the whole season: Watchmen without balls) and the kind of 6th Form socio-religious rambling that The Wachowski's (one now not a brother) fell into with their betrayal of all things wonderful The Matrix Revolutions.

Added to that the huge build up across the season to an ending so anti-climactic Trinity dying in a car crash a day after being brought back to life becomes satisfying.

Well ok nothing could make that satisfying.

Anger building, rage growing, Ben Stiller in Mystery Men rip-off peaking...

Anger subsiding.

Anyway, yes Heroes, crappy yet still infectiously entertaining.

However I do think the strange enchantment that Heroes has over the world populace will wain quickly if it doesn't manage to do a number of things.

1) Have a plot not taken directly from a comic then watered down.

2) Avoid Masi Oka leaping from charming and fun to annoying at the level of Chris Crocker parody videos not done by Seth Green.

3) Have Volume 2 pay off spectacularly. If we have 2 story arcs with a clunky ending there will be little faith that the 3rd will be worth hanging around until 2008 for.

4) Kick arse super hero battles. It was hinted at last season but the money shots were played out behind closed doors, this year we need our jaws swinging from raw power exploding on the screen.

If they make those 4 steps I will be in for the exhilirating journey towards porridge once more.

Well that or they could do something insane like put Veronica Mars on the show hehe.

Cunning bastards.

Chuck

I remember first watching the vaunted Siskel and Ebert review show when it was aired on BBC2 in England. As esteemed as they were, I couldn't help but feel that most of their reviews went along the lines of dismantling every part of the film then saying "but I liked her hat so that's a thumbs up from me".

Here is my quick homage to that memory via NBC's new action-comedy Chuck.

It is executive produced by McG, the first episode is directed by McG.

Ok so I didn't need to dismantle every part of it to find some negatives big enough to send most people running before the credits finished.

As I frantically searched for the DVD remote to end things before my eyes bled from slow-mo and crash zooms I stopped and said out loud "Hold on, is that Adam Baldwin?"

And lo, it was Adam Baldwin.

Adam Baldwin in a recurring role as a cantankerous, deadly, ruthless NSA agent in a pissy yet flippant mood.

Thumbs up.

Life

As the mighty Admiral Neck and charismatic Canyon have already stated, there are a lot of new shows about to debut in the Autumn season here in the US of A.


One of them is a show called "Life" in which a cop is wrongly convicted for murder and spends 12 brutal years in prison before being exonerated, receiving a huge amount of cash and being reinstated and promoted to Detective as part of the settlement.


When I first heard of this series I was wondering if it would be a basic procedural with a Prison Break conspiracy arc, which frankly didn't grab me.


Then the prospect of two copper-headed investigative heroes in TV arose as Damian Lewis plays the lead role of Charlie Crews. Lewis was utterly brilliant in Band of Brothers and I've been hypnotised to forget Dreamcatchers, so when I got to watch an advance preview of his new series I was quite hopeful.


The first episode is packed with all the exposition that a TV executive requires and the first case for Crews and his beautiful, tough but troubled partner Dani Reese (played by Sarah Shahi, former NFL cheerleader and The L Word alumni), revolves around the murder of a child.


Crews' Zen philosophy that kept him mostly intact in prison serves to set him apart in the real world as he approaches things from an alternative perspective. Predictably this brings him into conflict with his new partner who herself is trying to put her career back on track after drug issues, hence being lumbered with the partner nobody wants.


We are also introduced to Ted Earley, an ex-con who served time for some creative accounting who was saved by Crews while inside and now handles the Zen Detective's cash. Earley is played by Adam Arkin which is another reason I'm cutting Life some slack.

As the episode progresses the audience is shown that Crews isn't just different because of a paperback book on Zen he read but because he might just be insane.

There are attempts at levity through Crews coming to term with the modern world, mainly to add to Crews' almost childlike sense of wonder as he discovers "the future is now" in more than a philosophical sense. These moments reminded me of Angel and how hilarious David Boreanaz was getting frustrated at his mobile phone. Except Angel was much funnier, but if you've seen Boreanaz dance you know it is unfair to make a comparison.

The case is wrapped up in a way to show Crews knows how things work from both sides of the prison bars and the story arc for the season is mapped out for all to see. And I literally mean there is a visual aid.

Frankly, the procedural element of the show doesn't hold together very well but hopefully that is due to it becoming almost an afterthought due to cramming in as much information for the audience as possible.
Things the audience is to remember:
1) Crews likes to eat fruit.
2) He owns a mansion without any furniture in it (keep an eye out for a cave full of bats in the future).
3) He is NOT GAY (as shown as he bounds upstairs like a puppy chasing a ball whilst following a scantily clad and never to be seen again blonde).
4) He says he is not looking for revenge against those who framed him. Nuh-uh. It wouldn't be Zen. Honest.

This is really a series that will take a few episodes to get up and running but I'll certainly have another look at it when the series begins 26th of September on NBC.

It could go either way, at least it isn't on Fox so it might get a few episodes to find its feet, plus it runs after Heroes on Monday nights and we know that means it will be an instant success and will immediately get renewed.





My wife tells me I lost my memories of something called "Studio 60" along with Dreamcatchers in the aforementioned hypnosis session but I don't know what she's talking about.

WoW part 1.

The last time I checked, World of Warcraft had a subscriber base of around 9 million accounts.
For game producers Blizzard (owned by Vivendi) this means an annual income from this game that outstrips the combined Box-Office of The Matrix Trilogy.
One might define WoW as being successful.

Before WoW was launched in 2004 the Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (which I'll refer to as MMO henceforth) market was seen as lucrative but rather niche. It was a playground for the Dungeons and Dragons pen and paper set with little scope for growth.
Everquest (also known as Evercrack for its life consuming properties) had a subscriber base of around 200,000 people who marvelled at its persistant world and graphics that actually needed a 3D Graphics Card.
The model of paying around $15 a month for the pleasure of having a character in worlds full of Elves and dragons and so on became the industry standard income model and persists to this day.

I myself played the game for about 5 years and thanks to it I made a number of good friends, travelled to visit one, met a girl, got all mushy, got married and emigrated. You will understand if I have a fondness for EQ.

What Everquest did was make computer gaming feel epic. As scratchy as the graphics look now, standing alongside a garish gang of 70 players on a raid in a cavern to take down a 60 foot long ice dragon was exciting. Hours of gaining experience, questing for an epic class weapon that could take over a year to get (never got my final epic blade for my Paladin in the whole 5 years), exploring dungeons and huge raiding events were enthralling and many an evening I would realise it was morning.

The problem EQ had was that it really was as niche as the rest of the market. To travel to the other side of the game world you might need to go by boat. The boat might take 30 minutes to arrive, the journey itself might take as long.
You might be in a place that wasn't safe to exit the game at and have to plan ahead by an hour to get back to a town to end your session.
The creature you need to kill to get that item you had been dribbling over had a respawn timer which was random over 72 hours and lots of other people wanted it. First to hit it got to kill it and loot. I know of people who "camped" that creature for 72 hours straight, sitting in that spot on a snow covered iceberg waiting for it to appear, then coming back after taking a bathroom break to find it had spawned and a passer-by had killed it.

To gain experience in the higher levels you were pretty much forced to group with other players to be able to do anything, which meant if there were a lot of people playing the same class they could sit for hours on end looking for group (LFG) and wind up doing nothing. Also the penalty for dying meant that at higher levels one death could mean 4 hours of gameplay to recover the loss. Unskilled players didn't last long in those groups.

Then the raiding progression mentality arose and the top guilds would race through content to be the first to kill Amazing Creature of Awesomeness No. 345, to slow their progression the developers made new raids which required you to defeat them in order before you could begin the next tier of raiding.
This then meant that you absolutely had to be in a high end raiding guild to do any of the big monster kills and thereby get the best equipment to go to the next raid.

Those people who could not treat the game as a second job (though they probably needed to put more hours in than the first job) were left behind.
EQ, like most MMOs had accessibility problems.
Like I said, niche.

Then came WoW.
All the staple MMO ideas are there. A fantasy setting (descended from Tolkien) with elves, dwarves, trolls et al. A choice of classes based on the healer, damage dealer and tank (big brawny git who can take a beating) gameplay staple. And of course the amazingly well-proportioned female characters who run around protected by chainmail that barely covers their Brazilian wax.


What WoW did was bring the revolutionary idea of making everything as fun as possible. You do not need a quad-carded PC beast to play the game. Everything is set out before you and explained to make picking up the gameplay as easy as possible without getting in the way of the hacking/clubbing/clawing/iceblasting.

Quests are found everywhere and you are given all the information you need to complete them within the description from the NPC, which is stored in a Quest Log for an easy reminder (I still can't believe I used to have to write down pages of notes of cryptic words that I would have to try and guess how to move on).
The game design is stylised to keep the framerates high and smooth and it looks pretty beautiful.

Levelling does not take forever, you can log on, do something for an hour and log off and feel like you have achieved something, the group dynamic in dungeon runs works with graceful simplicity and raiding can be hugely enjoyable and exciting.
My wife plays the game now after watching me for a lifetime and I still remember her nervous excitement on her first raid. Fun stuff.

But astonishingly for the long-time MMO player like myself, you can actually go from level 1 to level 70 (currently the highest point) without ever having to form a group (5 people working together) or a raid (6 to 40 people working together).

There are plenty of Pop Culture references to amuse scattered across the world (Ogres dance like Chris Farley, certain large gorillas will drop empty barrels when killed, I've weilded a Hanzo sword and hundreds of other fun Easter Eggs referencing everything from Ace Ventura to Siouxsie and The Banshees) and the whole game when levelling up is based on being entertaining all the time.

So that's my introduction to World of Warcraft. I know of a few friends who have pondered trying it out and haven't been sure and thought I'd offer some information.

The next time I post about WoW I'll give a rundown on why I'm taking a break from the game and how it makes me "want to drown things".

Invincible

As I'm currently flushed with the joys of destitution I find myself reaching to my once proud but now miniscule collection of pop culture and loooking for happiness.
I have the first 7 Invincible trades by Kirkman and Ottley (published by Image) and they remind me why comics still capture my imagination.

To get this out of the way, I'm what is known as a Marvel Zombie (which apparently means I will soon have a cover by Arthur Suydam done for me), I grew up on the X-Men and Spider-Man and to this day think the only Superman worth bothering with is to be seen on celluloid or as part of the JLU animated series. I caught the last episode of the recent Smallville season: spoilers ahead....seriously don't read on...here it comes...the episode was absolutely terrible. What a twist.

Well my childhood/teenhood/adulthood favourite X-Men got boned by Joe Quesada's genius idea of hitting the reset button as there were apparently too many mutants in the Marvel Universe. Ok fair enough, just a shame that leaving only a handful of remaining mutants kind of destroys the next phase of human evolution part of the mythos. Also the politically allegorical subtext which drives the Mutant idea is pretty much destroyed if a movement has less members than the Uwe Boll fan club.
Thankfully Joss Whedon has kept Astonishing X-Men pretty much away from all of the M-Day fallout nonsense.

Meanwhile JMS is taking Spider-Man down a fascinating new route in which he's dark and brooding. Oh and commiting crimes. Because he is dark and brooding. For 7 issues. But don't worry, the rumour is a magic reset button to turn Amazing Spider-Man into Ultimate Spider-Man but without Bendis writing it is soon to arrive. Don't go forming the queues to get this blockbuster right away, the ending has the same twist as Smallville's.

For more genius, read Loeb and Bianchi's recent Wolverine run, actually don't, read the always entertaining Paul O'Brien's review of Wolverine 55. After Loeb's first issue the theme song to Itchy and Scratchy came to mind as Wolverine and Sabretooth "fight and fight and fight and fight and fight". The difference being Itchy and Scratchy are funny and entertaining and don't compel me to stab myself.

Forgive my digression but I am a bitter man and it leads up to why I love Kirkman's Invincible.
It is a Super-Hero comic. It is well written.

Crazy I may seem but those characteristics appeal to me.

Invincible is Superman if he was raised by Ben and May Parker except Ben didn't die he just saved the world a lot. There is well-timed ironic humour, solid action and a Whedonesque sense of sub-plot and story arc pay-off.
Basically it is a lot of fun with characters you gradually fall in love with being put through the mill regularly. It doesn't reinvent the genre (Superman meets Spider-Man meets Buffy meets the JLA) but it does what it does very well and isn't trying to be pretentious doing it.
There is a large cast of characters each with a story that I'm more bothered about than most of Comics' leading icons at the moment.
I don't want Tony Stark to be Dick Cheney and I don't want Peter Parker to be de-aged and un-married with a wave of a magic wand because editors think they can't write stories that are interesting without altering a character completely.

World War Hulk works even if it is obvious how it will end and consists of Hulk walking from a pile of dust to show he has beaten someone else up (much more of it and he'll be nicknamed Pig-Pen).
It works because it takes the basic concept of the character and puts him in a situation that will be interesting.
Taking the basic concept of a character and changing it until you hope something interesting happens doesn't work.

Have a read of Invincible and enjoy the simple pleasure of a good idea written well.